Following last week’s shocking revelation that President Aoun intends to abandon his role at the university to become a Youtuber, he has now announced a competition in collaboration with Mr.Beast for students desperate to get a co-op: last one to take their hand off the job application gets an unpaid co-op at Feastables.
The 100 square foot job application located in Krentzman currently has 5 of the original 100 competitors currently there. As the contest enters its second month, participants have begun to use increasingly underhanded tactics to eliminate their opposition. Tactics have varied widely, with some using Wollaston’s cookies laced with laxatives to take out a few foolish competitors. Another competitor brought their dance group to trample three competitors to death, and two others have fled in terror.
When asked why he chose to run this competition instead of literally anything else, Aoun reportedly said, “Today’s market is a tough one because employers don’t see students willing to work for their place. We can’t be offering students to companies if they can’t even last a few weeks without water to get a job.”
While some have criticized this new format of co-op search as being “dystopian” and “perhaps a little too similar to the hunger games,” university administration has defended the policy, characterizing it as, “really not that much worse than actually trying to find a co-op.”
We’ll update as the situation develops and see who comes out on top.
Clayson Neugebauer and Ethan McMinn contributed reporting to this article.
