Aoun’s Evil Doppelganger Escapes Containment
Northeastern’s best efforts to keep School President Creature 096 (SPC-096) locked away in the depths of the new box outside of Snell Engineering have failed.…
Northeastern Captures BU President, BU to Become Satellite Campus
BOSTON, United States (Trusty Husky) — In an early morning press conference, our glorious leader Joseph Aoun announced the successful capture of BU President Melissa…
Santa’s Sleigh Shot Down Over Venezuelan Airspace
Santa Claus' sleigh was confirmed to have crashed Wednesday night in the Venezuelan state of Carabobo. Paramedics dispatched from the nearby city of Valencia pronounced…
Green Line’s Hunger for Human Flesh “Dangerously Unsatisfied”
The Green Line has built a reputation not only for being slow, noisy, and inefficient, but also for being deadly. Between its many derailments, propensity…
Heartbreaking: Guy Whose Hair Looked Good Got Really Bad Haircut Over Thanksgiving
A number of reports are coming in from a variety of classes that local student Bob Cutter has come back from Thanksgiving break with far…
Student Scribbles Out Poster, Communists in Shambles
Lately, pro-communist posters from the “Revolutionary Communists of America” have been seen around campus pasted to streetlights, trash cans, and on those things that are…
Student Says Her Co-op with DHS/ICE “Really Opened My Eyes to How Many Immigrants There Are”
Some Northeastern students show their passion for international relations through studying abroad in Northern Ireland through the NUin program. But for second-year International Relations and…
Northeastern Announces OLDwave, Telegraph Service to Begin “Soon”
Northeastern has been forced to take drastic measures following the continuous and unending failure of the Wi-Fi network that is NUwave. Today marks the start…
Op-ed: An Ardent Defense of the Krentzman Quad Loofahs
There’s something wrong on campus this year. Have you noticed it? Perhaps it’s the fear of an incoming economic disaster on a scale unseen since…
Contraceptive Vending Machine Moved to the Middle of Ruggles
In an effort to make contraceptives even more accessible to the student body, the Office of Prevention and Education at Northeastern (OPEN) has made the…