In an act as horrifying as it was disgusting, a human centipede was spotted today paying only one fare for all 57 of its members as it went through the Ruggles turnstile. Terrified onlookers ran for cover, and MBTA employees could do nothing more than watch on in horror as the creature crawled its way through the turnstile. The creature appeared to be completely unfazed by the blaring of the toll gate. After this brazen act of fare dodging, the human centipede then proceeded to squeeze into an orange line car, loitering near the doors instead of filing into the car.
Asked for comment, local sophomore Ai Pei Fairs told the Trusty Husky that she saw the entire incident firsthand. “It really was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I mean, how could so many people just ignore the fare gate? These people are the reason mystery juice comes out of the ceiling at Park Street station. Frankly I was so distracted by the fare evasion that I didn’t even realize they were sewn ass to mouth until they had already passed the gate.”
In response to today’s brazen act of mass fare evasion, the MBTA has sworn to hunt down and fine the human centipede unless it pays its remaining 56 fares owed. As of press time, early reports suggested the human centipede had evaded yet another fare at the Northeastern stop.
