The entire board of trustees for Northeastern pulled president Aoun aside today to confront him about his costly campus buying habit. “Aoun, we love you and that’s why we need to cut you off. You can’t just keep buying campuses whenever you feel like it. It’s hurting our finances and we know it’s hurting you too.” In response, Aoun began screaming about how he is, “generating value for the board,” and he can, “stop anytime, I swear.” Following this outburst, he jumped out of a 2nd story window and began sprinting towards Wentworth with an offer to buy their campus too.
Asked for comment, president Aoun told the Trusty Husky, “I made this school all that it is today, don’t test me. Everything I create I can also destroy. Who cares if I buy another campus to banish our freshmen to? The board is too short-sighted to understand the real plan was never actually campus expansion. It is and always has been world domination, and they won’t understand my genius until it’s too late.”
Allegedly, Aoun’s elite team of bodyguards, “Husky Team 6” is now under strict orders to tackle Aoun if he attempts to buy another campus without the prior approval of the Board. Despite such extreme measures being taken, it remains to be seen whether they will ultimately be successful in stopping Aoun from purchasing even more satellite campuses.
Efrain Ortiz contributed reporting for this article.
