The recent post-grad job market has been rather difficult for many, pushing many engineering students to work at the place they all secretly knew they were going to work at from the start: the military industrial complex.
Raytheon, a United States Military Contractor and namesake for the Amphitheater in Egan Hall, has been a popular destination for graduates who intend to make ordinance aimed at popular destinations. But these days the only thing blowing up more than their “merchandise” has been their recruitment.
Such is the case for 5th year mechanical engineering major Miles Moralless, who was ambushed by a Raytheon recruiter after a below sub-par performance on a midterm exam for his Introduction to Engineering Morals and Ethics Class. According to Moralless, “After I got out of that exam I said ‘Welp, I definitely bombed that one’ and then miraculously this Raytheon recruiter just appeared smiling ear to ear. I don’t remember exactly what he said, it was something on the lines of ‘We heard about your interest in personnel neutralization devices and would love to offer you a full time position’. I gotta say man, I looked into it and aside from the ‘signing your soul to the devil’ part they really seem like a good place to work.”
Moralless says he intends to accept the offer only on the condition that he wouldn’t be working on “any of that bad stuff.”
Moralless isn’t the only Northeastern student to receive a job offer after using violence-based metaphors. Local 6th year aerospace engineering major Lockhart Martinez found his co-op after complaining to his advisor with some choice language. While Martinez isn’t sure what exactly secured his co-op at Lockheed, a recruiter did jump out of the bushes at him after he told his friend, “I bit the bullet and took a shot in the dark on that last essay, but I ended up killing two birds with one stone; the professor was blown away!”
Reportedly, other engineering majors have begun using explosive and violence based idioms, particularly in classes that they have around the Raytheon Amphitheater in hopes of finding similar post-grad opportunities.
Evan Eyler contributed reporting for this story.
