Local Northeastern student May Den-Leth came crying to Trusky Husky reporters earlier today following an absolutely savage rejection. “I was genuinely looking forward to staying in my room all day and applying to beautiful co-ops on this Valentine’s Day.” Unfortunately for Den-Leth, she found herself face to face with pure heartbreak upon opening her email. “They rejected me! They didn’t even couch it in niceties. ‘you are not sufficiently qualified for this position’. How dare they! I wrote a cover letter for them, sonnets of love, and this is how they repay me? How could they? Maybe I’m just doomed to be unemployed forever.” Den-Leth then broke down in tears and refused to respond to any further questions, only pausing to complain about how horrifically unemployed she is.
Den-Leth is just one student who is part of a broader trend of students suffering from devastating rejections. As both the co-op market and the dating market get much more challenging, Northeastern students are now facing more rejections than ever before. Between the ghosting from employers, ghosting on dating apps, and harsh rejections all around, morale has hit an all time low, with some students giving up their search entirely. Co-op advisors and therapists alike continue to insist that students “put themselves out there,” but despite this, it seems like co-ops and love remain elusive to Northeastern students.
Northeastern actually ranks among the top campuses for remaining celibate, boasting an over 87% virginity rate. This shocking statistic is single-handedly responsible for Northeastern moving up at least 4 spots in the US News and World Report. Northeastern’s uniquely lonely status has also proved to be a boon to campus budget, as the health center seldom has to refill the condom vending machine.
A representative for OPEN’s Frisky Husky program told our reporter, “Please, we’re begging you guys to at least try to get frisky. No one has reached out to us in months. Everyone in the office has been so discouraged lately.” At press time, early reports indicated that countless passersby were giving icy stares to a happy couple sitting on a bench in Krentzman.
