Amidst nearly nine inches of snow on the Northeastern campus today, the wind is not the only thing throwing snow at high speed into the faces of unsuspecting students. The multitudes of Northeastern dance groups have started taking up arms and snowballs against each other in pursuit of practice space. As more dance clubs join the fray, they must pick a side. A wall of snow bricks has crossed Centennial, with spins, kicks, and snowballs all flying. The lines of battle are not clear. Amidst the chaos, hapless bystanders can do little more than keep their heads down and do their best to avoid doing anything that looks like a dance move.
Due to the combination of inclement weather and the increasing violence of the various Northeastern dance groups, students have been encouraged to stay inside. Many campus buildings have been shut down at this time, both to prevent further dance practices and to prevent classes. We have sent our brave reporters out into the fields and they have come back with truly disturbing tales of ballet dancers lying on the ground -they’re okay they’re just cold- of battle scars across the landscape, stories of Breakers who’ve caused broken bones, footprints in the patterns of waltzes and foxtrots, truly no one is winning this war.
Centennial remains a shell of its former self, and early reports suggest that some dance clubs have even started conscripting members of a capella clubs to provide dramatic background music to their battles. In a statement, the Center for Student Involvement urged students to stop the violence and instead “be normal for once,” but their representative took a snowball to the face before they had a chance to finish their announcement.
Classes are expected to be virtual tomorrow, though the ramifications of the dance club battle cannot truly be predicted. Dance practices and lessons are canceled for the foreseeable future.
