In an impressive athletic achievement, average joe Joseph Median walked an entire 26.2 miles while searching for a space with an outlet in Snell Library last week. According to Median, “I got there in the early afternoon expecting it to be busy, but I couldn’t have expected anything like that. I checked the tables on the first floor, then went up the stairs to the second and third floors, the fourth floor, and even the basement, the basement! I mean, only the truest of true Snell-gremlins go down there. Eventually, after fourteen and a half hours, I just decided to give up and watch my pirated Netflix show back in my dorm, like a normal person.”
While only placing 17th on the all time list of Snell-spot-marathoners, Median has found himself in sole possession of a few other major records. These include “most stink eyes received by one person in a 12 hour period,” and “most times to have been told ‘erm, we actually have this room booked’” after he attempted to rest multiple times in various study rooms. Unfortunately, despite his three hour wait at the water fountain, he still did not earn the record for “most time spent waiting for the crappy water fountain to fill up a water bottle”.
As for Median, he plans on either occupying an entire room in Forsyth for himself, or adopting a new, radical idea in Snell-spot-finding-science known as “Sitting on The Floor”.
Evan Eyler contributed reporting for this story. Image credit: Kevin Chen
