In a complete mix-up, the events catalogue intended for the Northeastern graduating class of ’26 was accidentally replaced by a catalogue intended for a nursing home called “Husky Seniors”. The catalogue included thrilling events like shuffleboard, bingo, and raffle to win a CPAP machine. Refreshments included Jello, denture-friendly applesauce, and an entire array of awful smelling mayonnaise-based salads. Miraculously, the events still saw record attendance and were enjoyed by the soon-to-be-graduates.
Jerry Attric, a 5th year Apothecary major with a minor in horse-based transportation systems remarked, “back in my day I used mosey on down to the OHE and boogie ’till I was blue in the face. But nowadays, my knees and my back have turned asunder, and by 8:00 my eyelids already start to droop. So I must say, these shindigs have allowed me to recoup some good ol’ times in my golden years.” Jerry plans on spending his upcoming 23rd birthday in a sauna, complaining about the new “youngin” slang.
According to SGA planning officials, the upcoming senior prom will now be sponsored by AARP and will feature classic hits from the Beatles, alongside a free wheelchair valet service. “Husky Seniors,” a nursing home specializing in weight loss for those 65 and over, refused to comment on what events they hosted. However, word on the street is that threw a rager so hard that it made the MIT frats jealous.
